Thirteen years ago I heard a piece of advice from a business consultant that changed the way that I ask tough questions.

This simple rephrasing of a question helps gain understanding while avoiding conflict.

Rephrase your questions to begin with "Can you help me understand...."

"Why did you do that?"
"Why are we doing it this way?"
"Why is this so expensive?"

The typical way of asking tough questions immediately puts the person responding on the defensive. It feels like confrontation and they react accordingly.

By reframing the question to begin with "Can you help me understand..." implies curiosity and a genuine interest in wanting to understand.

"Can you help me understand why you chose to do that?"
"Can you help me understand why we are doing it this way?"
"Can you help me understand why this is so expensive?"

The amazing thing about using this method is that it actually changes your mindset about the situation. You become curious instead of combative.

Curiosity always leads to better outcomes.