Humans crave synchrony. We love the shared experience of being locked in rhythm with other people.

That’s why we spent over ten billion dollars on concert tickets in 2023. If we just wanted to hear the music we’d buy a nice set of headphones and call it a night. Instead, we’ll spend hundreds of dollars for lower audio quality but higher shared experience.

If you asked me to join your drum circle I’d politely decline. On the surface, it’s just not my thing. For reasons I won’t go into, I’ve found myself in drum circles and they are powerful experiences. Shared rhythm among a group of people is transformative.

Synchrony in relationships is where the real magic is though. Late-night conversations around the campfire, long weekends away with our partner or the annual adventure with our friends. There is no better feeling than when we’re connected and in rhythm with the people we love.

The opposite is also true. When we’re out of rhythm in our most important relationships it feels like nothing is going right. It doesn’t matter what success we’re experiencing in our career if our important relationships aren’t in synchrony. 

Greg McKeown has a powerful line about this: 

“If things are bad in your marriage, it doesn’t matter how good anything else is, nothing’s good. And if everything’s good in your marriage, it doesn’t matter how bad everything else is, everything is good.” 

It sounds harsh. But based on my experience I believe it to be true. 

A lot of time and effort goes into launching and growing a business, building up a career and pursuing new opportunities. But none of it is fulfilling if we’re not in sync with the ones we love.